Your Guide to: Overcoming Fears
I recently
visited an amusement park with my boyfriend. In the past, I had been drawn to
the rides that spin around and never significantly leave the ground.
I've never been a huge fan of the rollercoasters that drop you down so fast
that your stomach butterflies up into your throat. It had been a few years
since I had last visited the park and felt that I should no longer retreat to
the kiddie rides. Like many others, my boyfriend who had never visited the park
before, was drawn to the two biggest rollercoasters in the park; the
Behemoth, and the even more daunting, Leviathan - talk about dramatic
labelling! Determined to give them a go, he recruited me as his partner for the experience. I
reluctantly agreed to the smaller of the two rollercoasters.
Fear and panic greeted me in the line up and only grew as I buckled into the seat and ascended upward into the sky for the first drop. Given the option to unbuckle and make my way back down to solid ground, I would have taken it, no questions asked. But I couldn't. Once on the ride, there was no turning back, no chickening out. My only option was to ... enjoy the ride! And guess what? It wasn't that bad. I didn't die, as my irrational brain was telling me I would. I even ended up, willingly, getting on the Leviathan rollercoaster and geniunely enjoying myself!
Despite there literally being children on the ride with me, I couldn't help leaving the park with a sense of accomplishment. Not simply for tackling the rollercoasters, but for tackling the real beast; my fear. This got me thinking about fear in general and how I could transfer this experience to my everyday life.
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Your Guide to Overcoming Fears
Too often in life, we allow our fears to hold us back from doing what we need to do or what we want to do. From rollercoasters to giving presentations to working up the courage to talk to that cutie in lecture, you do not have to let fear hold you back. I've compiled my top five ways to tackle fear ridden situations.
1. Recognize the difference between rational and irrational fears
Some fears exist for very real reasons. There are certain fears that you probably should not try to conquer because they exist to ensure your survival. For example, if you come across a bear in a forest, you probably should be at least a little scared. Don't decide to conquer that fear by charging towards the bear; that would be just plain stupid. Some fears only disguise themselves as a real threats to our safety but, upon closer inspection prove themselves to be quite benign. Ask yourself what you are specifically fearful of happening. Is it probable? Is it even possible? And, when involving people, do you know how those people are going to respond? If the answer to these questions is 'no' then your fear might be irrational. Realizing your fears are based in irrational thoughts can help chip away at their hold on you.2. Build up to it
When I went to the amusement park I didn't immediately jump on the large rollercoasters. I started off with the mild rides and worked my way up. You don't have to tackle the beast right out of the gate! One way that behavioural psychologists treat debilitating phobias is through exposure. For example, if someone had a phobia of birds, psychologists might first show them a picture of a bird, then when they are comfortable with that, a video of a bird, then a bird in a cage, then have them hold a bird, until they no longer have a debilitating fear of birds. You can emulate this same practise in your own life by identifying levels that could lead you up to what you fear, building up your tolerance.
3. Accept your fears
Whether you like it or not, fear is inescapable. You need to accept your fears to be able to face them and you need to face your fears in order to grow as a person. Too often what we are actually fearing is failure. Failure to get that promotion from your boss. Failure to make friends in your new class. Failure to pass your exam. But failure is actually crucial to success. As J.K. Rowling said in her commencement speech at Harvard in 2008, "...some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." (The Harvard Gazette, 2008) Accept that failure is going to happen. Lean into it and let your fear of failure be your drive towards success!
Check out JK Rowling's full speech!
4. Think of what you'll gain by conquering your fears
Think back; have you ever managed to come across a victory in your past by conquering a fear? How did that make you feel? Probably pretty badass! Realizing that something you once feared was not worthy of your fear is extremely freeing. Simply overcoming your fear is something to be proud of. But, sometimes you can accomplish something even greater as a result of removing the roadblock that was your fear, further adding to the reward.
5. Don't Go it Alone!
If possible, recruit someone who you trust to help you through the situation you fear. It is helpful to have another person there with you to support you in the moment and to make you feel less alone with your struggle. While on the first rollercoaster having my boyfriend there was a huge relief to me. Even if they can't actually be with you in the moment, talking to others about your fears can be helpful. Have they experienced a similar fear? How did they cope with their fears? You can learn a lot from other people's experiences. Also, to just say your fears out loud can loosen the control they have over you. Does your friend have the same fear as you? Tackle it together! Your fears won't stand a chance. |
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I hope this inspires you to get out there and conquer your fears. Comment below with anything that you do differently to overcome your fears and whether or not you find my tips helpful. And if you enjoyed this post, please share!
Stay classy, never trashy, and just a little sassy!
- Kel
Stay classy, never trashy, and just a little sassy!
- Kel
References
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